拍攝紀(jì)錄片是我的最愛，因為我可以從頭到尾，自己做主，不必與任何人妥協(xié)。——虞敏琳(奧斯卡金像獎、最佳紀(jì)錄片得主)

　　引子：奧斯卡對于中國人來說是一個難言的情結(jié)，而在大洋彼岸的美國，一個英文名字叫杰西卡的女孩，1997年獲得當(dāng)年的奧斯卡金像獎，卻不被大多數(shù)中國人所知，她就是今年34歲的的華裔女導(dǎo)演虞琳敏。一個用鏡頭記錄生活的電影人，一個曾經(jīng)笑傲全美的擊劍高

手。

　　解說：從享譽世界的好萊塢，驅(qū)車到虞琳敏的家，只需要四十分鐘。在這四十分鐘里，我們經(jīng)歷了從喧囂浮躁到寧靜安逸。

　　虞琳敏和丈夫馬克·賽爾斯曼住在山上，尋找他們的家我們頗費了些周折。噴泉，陽光，一對年輕恬淡的夫妻，五年前的榮耀似乎已經(jīng)漸漸淡去，山下的熱鬧也仿佛與他們沒有干系。我們的造訪卻將他們硬生生拽回到那個夜。

　　馬克·賽爾斯曼:她獲奧斯卡之后，當(dāng)然，一切都變化得非常快，真是一夜之間，第二天電話就響個不停，整個屋子都堆滿了鮮花，而且一時間上百萬，上億的人在電視上見到了她，所以甚至當(dāng)我去超市買東西時，人們都會鼓掌說，這是杰西卡。虞的丈夫。常常我接起電話，就有個人說，“我找杰西卡。虞”，我說，“她現(xiàn)在不在，我可以帶個信嗎？”然后他就問，“你是她的秘書嗎？”我說，“不，我是她丈夫”，“哦，虞先生，久仰大名”。所以一切都改變得很突然，但是是朝著好的方向。和一個出名的人結(jié)婚是件快樂的事，這是好事，畢竟不是因為做壞事出名。從這個意義上說，還是很好的，當(dāng)然我有時也嫉妒，我也愿意受到關(guān)注，但不管發(fā)生什么，我都可以活下去。(after she won the Oscar, then of course, things changed very quickly. Really overnight, the next day, phone is ringing all day, the house was full of flowers and all of a sudden, the millions actually billions of people had seen her in television and so even when I go to the supper market, people would applaud and say: there is the husband of Jessica Yu. And some times when phone was ring and I would pick it up and there always would be a person saying: Jessica you please,’and I would said:”she is not in right now, can I take a message? They say, are you her secretary? I say“no, I‘m her husband”,“oh, Mr. Yu, we’ve heard so much about you.”So suddenly everything changed, but in a good way. It’s fun to be marry to someone who is well known for it doing something really good, it’s different thing being well known for doing something bad. In this case, it’s just being great, but of course there are sometimes I’m jealous. I want attention too，but I can survive whatever things happened.)

　　同期：據(jù)說有些人聽說自己得獎了就變得非常激動，寢食不安，甚至需要用安眠藥，你那天睡的好嗎？

　　虞琳敏:事實上，你知道，之前我有些緊張但沒被嚇著，你知道我的意思嗎，我只是很激動。所以，被提名是件好事，即使只被提名沒有得獎也是很好的。所以這是一種很好的感覺，不尋常的感覺，并非每一天都有的。(Beforehand I was nervous but not scared, do you know what I mean, I was just excited. So, it’s good to be nominated, if you just get nominated and you don’t win and it still a good thing, so that’s why it was a very good feeling but you know. It was very unusual, not everyday you have that to look forward to.)

　　解說：那是每個電影人夢寐以求的時刻，然而對虞琳敏而言，站在奧斯卡領(lǐng)獎臺上遠(yuǎn)不如發(fā)現(xiàn)手鐲上的一顆鉆石丟失來的更為緊張，因為，那套衣服和手鐲都是借來的。

　　虞琳敏：有意思的是，當(dāng)你被提名后，有些地方會出租給你昂貴的衣服和首飾。我借了一些，但是突然間我感到很緊張，萬一我弄丟了那些鉆石的戒指耳環(huán)怎么辦。當(dāng)我從珠寶店回來的時候，那家著名的珠寶商亨利.云斯頓，他們借給我一條鑲滿鉆石的手鏈，我低頭看時發(fā)現(xiàn)少了一顆鉆石。天哪，我已經(jīng)丟失過一個了，那晚我沒有睡好，第二天他們打電話來告訴我它掉在托盤上了，在盒子里，他們說別擔(dān)心。但從那以后，我說我再也不要了，太受刺激了。(it is funny that when you get nominated there are places that will loan you the expensive dress and expensive jewelry. I borrowed these things but actually, all of a sudden, I felt very nervous, cause I thought what if I lose this, you know this diamond ear rings and so when I was driving back from the jewelry store, the Harry Winston the famous jeweler, they lend me a bracelet that has lots of diamonds, and I looked down that one was missing. My God, all ready I lost one, so that night I didn’t sleep very well, they called on the next day and said, oh, it fell out in the tray, it’s kept in the box, they said don’t worry about that. But after that I said no more, you know I don’t want this any more…too nerve-racking。

　　我穿戴的東西比我做的片子還貴，我數(shù)了數(shù)，把那些珠寶和服裝加起來的錢要比我片子的成本多出幾倍。那是種有趣的感覺。(what I was wearing cost more than my film but I counted the jewelry also, if you put the cost of the jewelry and the dress together, many times more than my film cost. It was a very funny feeling.)

　　解說：“當(dāng)你的行頭比你的電影預(yù)算還要貴的時候，你會意識到，你離成功不遠(yuǎn)了。”虞琳敏當(dāng)晚的發(fā)言榮登九七年奧斯卡十大妙人妙語。這句玩笑話的背后，卻道出了一個記錄片導(dǎo)演的艱辛。

　　虞琳敏：做紀(jì)錄片最難的是籌集資金，那是最難的事。假如你看一下片尾字幕，有時會看到我姐姐的名字，我哥哥的名字，我父母的名字，我祖父的名字。因為每個人都幫了忙，然后經(jīng)常會有人無償?shù)鼗虿挥媹蟪甑貫槟硞�片子工作。那些人只是想幫忙，因為他們喜歡這個節(jié)目。(The hardest thing with documentaries is…raising the money. That’s the hardest thing. If you look at the credits of the film, sometimes you see my sister’s name, my brother’s name, my parents’name, my grandfather…because everyone helps out, and then a lot of times people work on the film work for free or work for very little…and the wonderful people they just wanted to help you out, because they like the project.)

　　解說：在虞琳敏電影的片尾字幕中，經(jīng)常會出現(xiàn)她的家人及朋友的名字，投資者，助理，甚至是演員。記錄片對于他們來說，或許是愛屋及烏；但對于虞琳敏而言，則是事業(yè)，是可以讓她置各種困難于不顧而要努力實現(xiàn)的夢想。

　　虞琳敏：我母親和我父親都很支持我，有時我們在拍節(jié)目，他們就會帶些吃的來。有時我姐姐會幫忙停車，以免我們被開罰單，有時我弟弟會來幫忙。因此，有一個支持你的家庭是非常重要的，我很幸運，據(jù)我所知有很多，特別是亞洲移民會認(rèn)為做這個事情太冒險。不容易養(yǎng)活自己。(A: my mother and my father are very supportive and sometimes when we were shooting, they would bring the food. Sometimes my sister would help park the cars, so we wouldn’t get a ticket, and sometimes my brother would help out. So it’s very important to have a supportive family and I’m luck that way, I mean I know a lot of, special a lot of Asians, they just, it’s considered something a little too risky or too weardess to do for a living. And it is risky, it’s not easy.)

　　同期；你找不到錢，或者說遇到困難的時候是否想過放棄？

　　虞琳敏：我想，做每一部片子都會有這個問題，那就是籌集資金，而且你并不知道是否能夠成功。但是我所做的每一部片子都是我喜歡的，最終我還是成功地完成了它們。一方面是因為你的運氣，另一方面是因為你不放棄。有一部片子我已經(jīng)做了兩年了，最后終于籌到了資金。所以，你必須同時進行許多事情，但最主要的是假如你對這個構(gòu)想有信心，而且你覺得這會是一部好片子，通常都會找到一個好辦法，這并不容易。(I think with every film there’s always a pointswheresyou try to raise the money and you don’t know if you going to be able to do it. But every project that I’ve started that’s a film that I really want to do, I actually have succeeded in getting it made. Part of it just because you get lucky, and the other part is because you just keep trying. There’s a film I working on now that I’ve been working on for two years we finally got the funding. So. You have to have other things you do at the same time, but I think the main thing is that if you have confidence in the idea and you think it’ll be a good film, usually you can find a way.

　　同期：除了家人，在外面你通過什么方式籌集到資金？

　　虞琳敏：大膽而且有恒心。你知道，但也得讓人相信你可以用這些錢作出真正有價值的事情。你不能只是說，給我這些錢吧，因為我真的需要它們。brave and persistent…you know, but also of people feel like you actually can do something worthwhile with the money. You can’t just say, give me the money, because I really want it.

　　獲得奧斯卡獎后你的生活是否有所改變？

　　虞琳敏：得了奧斯卡以后一切變得特別繁忙。很多電話，很多會議，但我真正想做的是繼續(xù)拍我喜歡的電影。最近我在拍另一個紀(jì)錄片，并且一直在做電視劇和廣告等各種工作，但我還是繼續(xù)做自己喜歡做的事情。(A: After the Oscar things got very, very busy, very busy. Lots of phone calls, and lots of meetings, but the thing is that I really wanted to continue making the kind of films that I like to do. Recently I went on to make another documentary, and I’ve been doing some television drama and some commercials, so different types of work but I also continue to do the work that I really enjoy.)

　　解說：也許對于記錄片導(dǎo)演來說，更多的時候，最好的辦法只能是等待，固守著創(chuàng)作的自主權(quán)，等待。

　　虞琳敏：每一個項目都很難，都有各自的問題。因為你想要保持自由的創(chuàng)作，能控制局面，所以這不僅是籌錢的問題，而是要通過正確的途徑籌錢，這樣會有人說，好，我可以給你錢但你必須這樣做，或必須像這樣，這個得在這兒這樣拍。。。。。。你希望能自由地按照自己的想法去做，否則就不值得了。(every project is difficult, every project has it’s own problems. Because the thing is you want to retain the create of freedom, the create of control, so it’s not just you try to raise the money but you try to raise the money in the right way, so that somebody can come along and say ok, I give the money but you have to do it this way, or it has to be like this, it’s got to be here…you want to have the freedom to make it the way you want or it’s not worth it.)

　　解說：等待是最為消磨心志的一件事情，太多的人在等待中喪失了勇氣，但虞琳敏甚至能將等待的煩躁轉(zhuǎn)化為另一種創(chuàng)作的激情。在籌拍一部關(guān)于一群再現(xiàn)南北戰(zhàn)爭的人的片子過程中，她再次遇到了資金的困難，等待中，虞琳敏拍攝了一部只有三分鐘的短片。

　　虞琳敏：哦，當(dāng)然。那部片子拍的是些吃世界上最酸的糖的人。當(dāng)然我也要去尋找最酸的糖。所以我嘗試了不同的糖，最后我發(fā)現(xiàn)一種非常酸的糖，我說，好，就是這個，當(dāng)我拿著這些糖給孩子們吃時，其中一個大聲地哭了。我說，好了，不要了，不要了，然后給了他一些水，可是五分鐘以后他又想吃那個糖了。這是一部非常荒唐而滑稽的片子。我們做得很快。Oh. Sour Death Balls, It’s a film about people eating the world sourest candy. Of course, I have to look for the world sourest candy, so I tried different kind of candies and finally I found one that was so awful, I said ok, this one would be good, so I got the candy, and the thing is that when I give to little kids it was too source one of them started crying, so I said no, no, no, and I gave them some water, and then five minutes later, he wanted to eat it again, so that one was just silly and fun. We just do that very quickly.

　　非常可笑的一個片子。我拍了一群不同年齡的人，你知道，有小孩，有大人，給他們吃世界上最酸的糖，然后記錄下他們的表情。看上去很傻，但結(jié)果卻大受歡迎。

　　(it’s very silly. What it is a bunch of different people, you know, children and adults eating the world’s sourest candy and so it’s just their expressions. It’s very silly but ended up being very successful.)

　　同期：通過這種方式你找到了一種自我平衡的途徑？

　　虞琳敏：是的。是這樣的，有時候你會感到十分沮喪，因為你想做，你可以做這個項目，這種時候最重要的是要找點事情做，這樣你才能繼續(xù)拍電影。所以為此，我只想做點有趣的事。(right. Well, sometimes when you get frustrated, because you can do the project you want to make then it’s important just to do something, because then you can keep making film. So, for this I just wanted to do something fun.)

　　解說：這個無心插柳之作為虞琳敏贏得了包括圣芭芭拉電影節(jié)最佳記錄片短片在內(nèi)的眾多獎項。或許當(dāng)初她滿腹的酸澀比起這個酸死人的糖果來，也許有過之而無不及。而片中那個被酸到哭然后又伸手要糖果的小女孩，又像足了虞琳敏本人。不同的是，她的糖果是記錄片。

　　虞琳敏：我在做大項目的間歇做了許多短片。這很令人滿足，因為你可以自由地開始或結(jié)束，并將它們展示給大家。因為當(dāng)你籌集資金時，整天都在打電話，等電子郵件，這是非常枯燥的，無法令人滿足。I’ve made couple of short films in between the bigger projects. And it is satisfying because you can start, finish something and you can show it to people. Because sometimes when you raising the money you are on the phone all day, you are writing e-mail, you know, it’s very boring. It’s not very satisfying, but.

　　解說：14秒

　　獲得奧斯卡獎之后，虞琳敏接受了多個國際品牌的邀請，為其代言，因為，接下來她還有很多片子要拍，她需要更多的資金。

　　片花5秒

　　解說：《呼吸的代價》，導(dǎo)演虞琳敏，榮獲1997年第69屆奧斯卡最佳記錄片獎。

　　同期：我叫馬可·布萊恩，是加利福尼亞州伯克利的一名詩人和作家。我患有因病毒引起的骨髓灰質(zhì)炎，就是人們通常稱的小兒麻痹癥。多數(shù)這類病人的情況并不太嚴(yán)重，可是有些人，比如我的情況就很特殊，事實上已經(jīng)嚴(yán)重到了四肢癱瘓，離開這個機器就無法獨立呼吸的程度。我可以離開它一小時左右，但大部分時間我是在鐵肺里度過的。

　　解說：獲獎后，虞琳敏將金像帶到馬克·布萊恩面前。

　　虞琳敏：得獎是意料之外的，我非常高興，我也很為這個片子和所有幫助完成它的人感到自豪。但對我來說，得獎只是一種額外的收獲，因為制作這部片子才是真正的回報。the prize was like something extra, I mean it was really wonderful, and I was really proud of the film, and everyone to help this out. But to me it was like an extra bonus, because the making of the film was the real reward of the process.

　　獲奧斯卡獎至少有一個好處，那就是它使人們不僅關(guān)注這部片子而且開始關(guān)注馬克。布萊恩和他的作品，以及其他。你也許從未想過會得獎，但它的確是有好處的。One thing that was wonderful about the Oscar is that I think it helped bring more attention to not only the film but to Mark O’Brien and his work, and so something like that.

　　同期：你覺得是什幺使你的影片獲得奧斯卡獎？

　　虞琳敏：我想，不管有沒有得獎，我每做一部片子的質(zhì)量，技術(shù)等其他方面都會對我形成壓力。我想假如你對自己做的事是認(rèn)真的，那么每一次都會想做得更好。但同時，更多人在關(guān)注你，你知道，越來越多的人開始注意你，所以你的確感覺到壓力，但這是好現(xiàn)象，我是說，并非許多亞洲人，亞洲女性在做導(dǎo)演，所以你必須要干得出色。如此人們才不會。。。人們才有理由認(rèn)可你。我想，當(dāng)你想得到一份工作或他們在決定是否應(yīng)該讓這個人導(dǎo)演的時候，任何一點不合格都會成為別人拒絕你的理由。這就是為什么競爭那么激烈，許多亞裔，許多女性都在這個行業(yè)里努力奮斗。A: I think that even though I know that in terms of the films that each one, the quality of the film, the technical pressures or whatever that they are greater with every film, that pressure I would have whether I won the award or not. I think if you are serious about what you do, you want to do better every time. But at the same time, more people are watching you, you know, you get more attention, so you do feel the pressure and…but I think it’s a good pressure, I mean there’s also not a whole lot of Asians, not a lot of women who direct and so you feel like you need to do good job. So that people won’t…so it’s a reason for…people to say, yes. I think when you get a job or when people are trying to decide, oh, should we let this person direct, anything that makes you different is kind of a reason to say no, so that’s why I think people struggle, a lot of Asians, a lot of women struggle to get jobs in this business.

　　哦，天哪，我想，這部片子真實反映了這個人物的故事，而且他非常非常坦誠，毫無保留地告訴我們他的生活，作品和他的經(jīng)歷。我想這就是人們的反響，他們透過他的視角看他的生活，而這種節(jié)目不是你每天都能從電視或電影上看到的。(A: oh, gosh. I think the main thing about this film is that it’s really this man’s story, and he speaks very, very honestly, very openly about his life and his work and what he’s been through. I think that’s what people responded to, they saw his life from his point of view, and it was something that you don’t see in movies or TV everyday.)

　　解說：起初，在太平洋通訊社的Sandy Close建議她制作一部關(guān)于馬克的片子的時候，虞琳敏并不認(rèn)為自己是合適的人選，因為這是一個嚴(yán)肅的題材，而她以往片子的風(fēng)格都是比較滑稽另類的。但是當(dāng)虞琳敏讀完馬克的著作——《呼吸》的時候，她改變了原先的主意。

　　虞琳敏：什幺促使我制作這部特別的片子？在“呼吸課程”之前，我的多數(shù)作品都是比較滑稽，比較娛樂的。我偶然間讀到一篇文章，舊金山某個新的服務(wù)機構(gòu)提供的，這個機構(gòu)的負(fù)責(zé)人，一位女士給我打來電話，說她知道我做紀(jì)錄片，并且建議應(yīng)該有人拍一部關(guān)于馬克。布萊恩的片子，他是他們機構(gòu)的一位作家。當(dāng)我聽說這個消息時，我并不覺得自己是合適的人選。因為這可能會是一個很嚴(yán)肅的片子。然后我讀了他的詩，他的文章，我一下被他說的話及他的聲音吸引住了。他非常誠實，非常坦白。我很激動，因為我知道這將不僅是一部關(guān)于一個生活在痛苦中的小二麻痹癥患者的片子，他將道出一個人的心聲，他真正想告訴世界的話。我們的社會非常需要他對世界的這種理解方式，而他偏偏是一個與生活絕緣的人。這一切都讓我充滿興趣。我非常想知道為什么像這樣一個生活受到嚴(yán)重局限的人，卻有著如此生動的想象力。他的現(xiàn)實生活和理想生活以及他的精神生活之間的距離是如此殊勝。這就是我對此感興趣的原因。(What makes me interested in making this particular film is that? Ok Well, the think about this is that before“BTEATHING LESSONS”most of my films were kind of unusual and funny, and then when someone，I read an article, a new service in San Francisco. The woman who ran the service called me up and she said I know you are a filmmaker, and someone should really make a film about“Mark O’Brien”, he is one of our writers. So when I heard about him I thought I didn’t know I was the right person,‘cause it’s, it could be a very serious film. But then I read his poetry and I read his articles, then I was so impressed by what he had to say and the voice that he had. He was very, very…it’s very honest and very direct. And so then I got very excited, because I thought the story is not just about someone who had polio, had a bad life, this is a film about somebody who’s got a voice, you really know what he wants to say. There were such an urgency to the way that he dress the world. But he was so isolated in his life, this thing is very interesting to me. I just want to find out more about how this person who has such a limited life, has such a vivid imagination, you know, there was kind of such a dichotomy between the way he lived, and the way he want to live and the way that his mind lived. So that’s why I was interested in it. )

　　解說：虞琳敏感興趣和關(guān)心的是馬克的故事，他的心路歷程，他這個人。這不是一個旁觀者的觀看，也不是在別人的故事里流自己的淚，而是一個值得信任的記錄者，一個有耐心的傾訴對象，一個忠誠的轉(zhuǎn)述者。

　　虞琳敏：是的。制作“馬克布萊恩”這個節(jié)目對我來說是一段不尋常的經(jīng)歷。因為在制作節(jié)目時他非常合作，非常非常信任我們。那段時間，雖然我們一起做了近一年的節(jié)目，我們并沒有成為……，你知道，做節(jié)目時必須保持一定距離，集中精力在拍片上，假如距離太近會模糊感覺。當(dāng)然，在制作結(jié)束后，我們成了非常好的朋友。我們之間的友誼一直保持了很多年直到他去世。失去多年的朋友我感到非常難過。但令人高興的是這部影片的感染力在他去世后仍然延續(xù)著。因此我個人認(rèn)為能交到這樣一位朋友，享受我們的友誼是幸運的。他如此與眾不同，不光與眾不同，而且他對事物有非同尋常的洞察力。我喜歡同他談?wù)摬煌�的話題，因為他對事物總是有一些有趣的理解，像是政治或別的。( Yeah. Well making the film about“Mark O’Brien”was a really unusual experience, because he was so co-operative and let me just make the film, he is very, very trusting. And during that time, we worked on the film for about a year, but we didn’t become a….,you know when you make the film, you have to keep a certain distance you have to just worked on the film together, because it can get confusing if you making the film for your body. But after the film was done, then we got to be very good friends, so we remained friends for several years till he died. And I was very hard loosing him after just couple years of being friends. But it was exciting to see what the impact of the film was on his life afterwards. So, I think personally it was just wonderful to make friend like that, and enjoy this company a lot, and he was very unusual, not very unusual but is very perceptive about things. I was enjoy talking to him about different issues，because he always had a very interesting take on things, you know, politics or whatever.)

　　虞琳敏：哦,上帝。對此我不太確定。對于做紀(jì)錄片，首先是人物的故事能激發(fā)我個人的好奇感和興趣。一旦開始制作，我就盡量從題材本身出發(fā)去講述。因此，假如你看此類節(jié)目，就會覺得片子中的人物是在直接與你交談，因而你能獲得更多有價值的東西。假如感覺我不存在，我沒有產(chǎn)生影響，這就是對我最好的評價。當(dāng)然在做節(jié)目時，是由我決定往里增加什幺或刪除什幺，或者什幺事情我不管、什幺事情我要插手。我是說我向人們展示我想讓他們知道的內(nèi)容，但我希望人們感到是直接從人物身上獲得的。我的確存在，但并不明顯。這樣回答可以嗎？( Oh, Gosh. I’m not sure, well, I think you know with documentaries, the thing is that, you know, what’s personal about them, is my own personal curiosity, my interest in these things. But once you started making the film, I try to tell the story as much from the prospective of the subject of the stories as I can. So if you watch the film, you feel like the person in the film is talking directly to you.，then you getting is much from their point of view. So if people think that I disappear, you know, they feel like I don’t have an impact, that’s a very good compliment. Of cause I make decisions about what to put in and what to put out, you know, what to leave out. I mean of cause I am involved in showing the people what I want them to see, but I like them to feel like they are getting it from the person in the film. So I’m in there but it’s not so visible. Does it make any sense.)

　　這部片子得獎之后的確想過把它拍成電影，但最終還是沒有拍成。并非因為諸多爭論，而是要把一部這種題材的紀(jì)錄片拍成電影是一件非常難的事。那是最難的。要想把它做好，你就得忠實于這個故事，而這個故事是關(guān)于一個重度殘廢的人，通常不是好萊塢愿意投資的那種，因為不一定能賣到好票房。所以我們還是樂于做紀(jì)錄片，既然電影不能做到位，那干脆不做。( ok, after the film won the award, there was some interest in making it a feature film and the project ended up not happening. Not because there’s argument so much but it’s a very, very difficult thing to get a dramatic film made about this kind of subject. I think that was the most difficult thing. To do it right, you want to stay faithful to what the story was, and it’s the story of a man dealing with severe disability. It’s not the kind of thing that the Hollywood generally wants to throw lots of money at，so with kind of difficult sale that way. In the end you know it’s happy to do with the documentary so, for we couldn’t do it the right way then it’s better not to do it.)